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September 18, 2014

Proceedings of the Natural Institute of Science | Volume 1 | SOFD 3

A proposed revision to the Periodic Table of the Elements

Joint Fellowship of Chemists and Physicists (JFoCaP)¹
1 - PNIS

Introduction
The Periodic Table of the Elements, as most of us are familiar with (shown in Fig. 1), is a staple in classrooms, textbooks, and scientific novelty gifts^[1]. Its contributions to chemistry and physics extend well beyond just as a handy reference guide to the elements and their properties. For instance, it has been used to predict the existence of elements, it has contributed to the discovery of the atomic nucleus, and its development over the years has helped form entirely new branches of science, such as quantum mechanics. Thus, the Periodic Table has been referred to as one of the most important ideas in modern chemistry and physics. However, there is a dark secret that the Periodic Table has been hiding ever since its familiar structure seen in Figure 1 was introduced in the 1920’s: it’s not really a table.

A table is defined as an “orderly display of data, usually arranged in rows and columns” (American Heritage Dictionary). While this definition may seem to apply perfectly to the Periodic Table of the Elements, there are several reasons why we believe the Periodic Table should not actually be considered a table:

1. Real tables have header rows, which contain the names of each column. Most Periodic Tables don't have this header row, or, if they do (like in Fig. 1), they are simply just numbers.

2. Tables are usually rectangular in shape. The Periodic Table can hardly be called a rectangle and, if anything, resembles a city skyline more than anything else.

3. Tables don’t have gaps—that is, there should be information for each cell, or, if no information exists, there should be a “—” or “NA”, or something similar. The Periodic Table has many large gaps, most notably in the first, second and third rows.

4. Some depictions of the Periodic Table, including the one published by the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry (IUPAC), contain a legend to explain what the various numbers and letters mean. Tables don’t have legends!

5. Other depictions of the Periodic Table contain arrows, mostly to denote the lanthanide and actinide series. Tables don’t have arrows!

6. Please, how is this a table?

However, perhaps the most convincing evidence is that scientists don’t even reference the Periodic Table of the Elements as a table. For instance, here is Glenn T. Seaborg, the namesake of the element Seaborgium, writing in the Journal of Radioanalytical and Nuclear Chemistry: “Thus these calculations are consistent with the modern periodic table (Fig. 1)^[2]” [emphasis ours]. And, here’s Björk Hammer in Advances in Catalysis: “metals to the right for copper, silver, and gold in the periodic table (Fig. 10)^[3]” [emphasis ours]. Thus, if scientists refer to the Periodic Table of the Elements as a “figure”, then it cannot be a “table”.

Thus, we propose two courses of action regarding the current Periodic Table of the Elements. First, we propose that the Periodic Table, as we know it visually (Fig. 1), change its name to something more accurate. We recommend “The Periodic Schematic of the Elements”, because Fig. 1 most closely fits the definition of a schematic. Secondly, we propose that an actual Periodic Table of the Elements be constructed; one that actually is a table. Because the JFoCaP at PNIS are women and men of action, we have constructed such a table and present it here in this paper.

Advantages of the Periodic Table over the Periodic Schematic
Before we actually present our table, we would like to point out several advantages of this new Periodic Table of the Elements over the now-named Periodic Schematic of the Elements.

1. This table is now consistent with the conventions of academic writing. Incorrectly referencing the old Periodic Table as a figure likely added to the distrust that the public has towards scientists.

2. The name of each element is spelled out, contrary to some previous versions of the Periodic Schematic in which just the element symbol was given. We expect this innovation to drastically decrease the misspelling of certain elements (like aluminium, praseodymium, and tin).

3. Our table is alphabetical, which will surely save time when researchers are looking up valuable information on specific elements.

4. Our table includes a “Fun Fact” for each element. Inclusion of these fun facts will make the table more amenable to children and makes the learning of the elements more fun (hence, "Fun Fact").

The predictive ability of our Periodic Table of Elements
One of the key aspects of the Periodic Schematic of the Elements is that it is predictive—gaps in the schematic denote the existence of some yet-undiscovered element. We would like to point out that our Periodic Table of the Elements can also predict the existence of new elements. For example, from our alphabetical arrangement of the elements, we can see that there is no element that starts with the letter “J”. Thus, we predict that the next element discovered will begin with “J”. We do not know exactly what this element would be named, but there are some possibilities. If the discoverers want to honor a previous scientist, which has been a popular naming trend for new elements, we recommend “Jimium” because this is a very popular name, and it is very likely that some important scientist has had (or will have) the first name of Jim (or James, Jimmy, Jamie [this variant also makes Jimium gender-neutral], etc.). Another good possibility is “Jesusium”, especially if the discoverers want to repair some of the current rift between science and religion.

Printable copy provided
One disadvantage of our Periodic Table of the Elements is that it is rather large and not as compact as the Periodic Schematic of Elements. Thus, we have also provided a pocket-sized version of our Periodic Table (see Appendix A; only available in the pdf version).

Conclusions
And, now, we can present to you, in the very first time that this phrase has been written completely 100% correct: the Periodic Table of the Elements (Table 1)!

Table 1. The Periodic Table of the Elements (Sym. = symbol of the element; No. = atomic number of the element

Element	Sym.	No.	Fun Fact
Actinium	Ac	89	The first non-primordial radioactive elment to be isolated (whatever that means)
Aluminum	Al	13	Was once more valuable than gold and silver
Americium	Am	95	All other elements resent its tremendous freedom
Antimony	Sb	51	Any fun fact about Antimony is false
Argon	Ar	18	Proud protector of the US Constitution and Declaration of Independence
Arsenic	As	33	Only reacts with the yet undescribed element OldLacium
Astatine	At	85	Is the last element named that doesn't end in "-ium"
Barium	Ba	56	Did you know that barium enemas are actually a thing?
Berkelium	Bk	97	Thought to be the rarest element on Earth; naturally your partner now wants jewelry made from Bk.
Bismuth	Bi	83	Also the capital of North Dakota
Bohrium	Bh	107	More like Bore-ium! Right! Wait...
Boron	B	5	Odds are, you ate some Boron today
Bromine	Br	35	Bromines always come before Holmiums
Cadmium	Cd	48	Nice to see that China has replaced the lead in children's toys with the just-as-toxic Cd
Caesium	Cs	55	The literal "liquid gold": melts at near room temperature and turns gold-colored
Calcium	Ca	20	The most abundant metal in our bodies (for everyone who is not The Wolverine)
Californium	Cf	98	Unless you have a nuclear reactor that won't start, you don't need to worry about Cf
Carbon	C	6	So important, they made an entire branch of science dedicated to it
Cerium	Ce	58	Thought to repel sharks; unsure if it is the main ingredient in Shark-Repellent Bat-Spray
Chlorine	Cl	17	aka, the element that everyone thinks is named Chloride
Chromium	Cr	24	I believe this is what Optimus Prime was coated in to protect him from the Hate Plague
Cobalt	Co	27	The patron element of painters
Copernicum	Cn	112	Ironically, the only element in which the nucleus orbits the electrons
Copper	Cu	29	Probably the first element to be discovered and used
Curium	Cm	96	Only element to be named after a married couple
Darmstadtium	Ds	110	Looks like they finally named an element after your Dad's made-up swear words
Dubnium	Db	105	The only element named after a US President
Dysprosium	Dy	66	It's name roughtly means "hard to get", although you can currently get it for $9/gram
Einsteinium	Es	99	First found after the detonation of the first hydrogen bomb in 1952
Erbium	Er	68	Actually should be named Terbium, but I guess no one really cares
Europium	Eu	63	Won Element of the Year in 1890 and 1952
Fermium	Fm	100	Also found after the detonation of the H-bomb; maybe we should do those more often...
Flerovium	Fl	114	Apparently named by Jerry Lewis
Fluorine	F	9	So poisonous that early scientists died while trying to isolate it
Francium	Fr	87	Previous names: ressium, alkalinium, virginium, moldavium, catium (yes, there was almost a cat element)
Gadolinium	Gd	64	If you've had an MRI, you've probably had this element injected into you
Gallium	Ga	31	The anti M&M: it melts in your hand and you should never put it in your mouth
Germanium	Ge	32	The only element named after a member of the Jackson 5
Gold	Au	79	If you had all the gold ever mined, you would have US$8.5 trillion
Hafnium	Hf	72	I don't want to alarm anyone but our Hf reserves may only last 10 more years
Hassium	Hs	108	Just got depressed because I realized that Hs (created in 1984) is younger than me
Helium	He	2	The US military is the top consumer of He. In second place is Macy's
Holmium	Ho	67	There are no fun facts about Holmium
Hydrogen	H	1	90% of all the atoms in the universe are H atoms. The other 10% are your mom.
Indium	In	49	I loved it when this element found the Ark of the Covenant before the Nazis
Iodine	I	53	Necessary for all animal life, as well as turning-seeds-purple experiments
Iridium	Ir	77	No, this is definitely what Optimus Prime was coated in
Iron	Fe	26	There are 2 tons of Iron available for every person on earth
[space reserved for future element beginning with J]
Krypton	Kr	36	Sad to think that people probably know more about Krypton the fictional planet than Krypton the element
Lanthanum	La	57	The first element of the lanthanide series (aka, the elements you didn't have to learn in 8th grade)
Lawrencium	Lr	103	Um, to be honest, I wasn't expecting this many elements to find fun facts for
Lead	Pb	82	The symbol Pb is from the latin plumbum, and that's how we got plumbers!
Lithium	Li	3	The lightest metal, and a Top 5 Nirvana song. Coincidence?
Livermorium	Lv	116	There are more Honus Wagner baseball cards than atoms of Lv
Lutetium	Lu	71	Probably the most expensive metal; your partner wants jewelry made from Lu, too
Magnesium	Mg	12	Mg-fueled cars are a possibility until you realize that water can't put out Mg fires
Manganese	Mn	25	I would imagine Manganese to be the most popular username in the Online Manga community
Meitnerium	Mt	109	If you're not counting mythological characters, it's the only element named after a woman (Lise Meitner)
Mendelevium	Md	101	What the hell is a geneticist doing here? Oh, sorry, Dmitri Mendeleev
Mercury	Hg	80	Just Youtube "Mercury Thiocyanate"
Molybdenum	Mo	42	Membership in the International Molybdenum Association is $7800
Neodymium	Nd	60	Can produce the strongest f***ing magnets possible, yet we still don't know how they work
Neon	Ne	10	Unsurprisingly, the first US business to use Neon lighting was an LA car dealer
Neptunium	Np	93	"Why can't you be more like your brothers Uranium and Plutonium? They're successful!"
Nickel	Ni	28	A US 5-cent nickel contains about 2 cents worth of actual Ni
Niobium	Nb	41	Was once named after the United States until the Europeans took that away from us
Nitrogen	N	7	Arguably, it's the most important use is to fill the widget inside Guinness cans
Nobelium	No	102	No, Dr. No, No is not No. N0, nor is it part of NO, nor does it have no n0's
Osmium	Os	76	Also the debut album of George Clinton's funk band Parliament
Oxygen	O	8	The most abundant element in our bodies, the Earth's crust, and the oceans. It's kind of a big deal
Palladium	Pd	46	Uses for the element Pd < Things named Palladium (like nightclubs)
Phosphorus	P	15	The first element to be synthesized from biological material (urine!)
Platinum	Pt	78	You must be a Platinum Member of PNIS for this fun fact
Plutonium	Pu	94	Its symbol should be Pl, but its founder suggested the jokey Pu (pee-yew) because scientists are nerds
Polonium	Po	84	The KGB's poison of choice. Also found in tobacco!
Potassium	K	19	95% of it is used as a fertilizer. The other 5% is used by chemistry teachers to make water explode
Praseodymium	Pr	59	As of this writing, Pr has 59 likes on Facebook
Promethium	Pm	61	Uses (according to Wikipedia): luminous paint, atomic batteries, and thickness measuring devices
Protactinium	Pa	91	In 1961, Britain spent half a million dollars to make 125g of this now-perceived worthless element
Radium	Ra	88	Remember when they put this in toothpaste, water, soaps and anything else? Ah, the good old days...
Radon	Rn	86	Second leading cause of lung cancer. You can guess what the first is
Rhenium	Re	75	Also apparently the debut album of George Clinton's funk band Parliament
Rhodium	Rh	45	Paul McCartney owns the only Rh-plated album for being the all-time best-selling songwriter
Roentgenium	Rg	111	The answer to the question: What happens when we mash together Bismuth and Nickel?
Rubidium	Rb	37	Um, it has 37 protons? We got nothing here
Ruthenium	Ru	44	Finally, an element named after a baseball player
Rutherfordium	Rf	104	Caused quite the naming controversy in the 90's. I can see why, it's not a good name
Samarium	Sm	62	This is better! An element named after the Samuraii!!
Scandium	Sc	21	Should we be worried that Russia has huge stockpiles of Sc?
Seaborgium	Sg	106	Would be a better element if the "Sea-" was changed to "Cy-"
Selenium	Se	34	1 ounce of Brazil nuts will give you 700% of the daily recommended intake of Se
Silicon	Si	14	A favorite of sci-fi writers trying to invent life-forms that are not Carbon based
Silver	Ag	47	The Inventor's Element: more patents involve Ag than any other element
Sodium	Na	11	Nothing blows up water better than sodium
Strontium	Sr	38	Most misleading element name; Sr is so weak that it even burns in air
Sulfur	S	16	Christians know this element better as "brimstone"
Tantalum	Ta	73	How does Tantalus get an element named after him before Zeus does?
Technetium	Tc	43	First elment to be artificially produced (also probably only element discovered from a piece of trash)
Tellurium	Te	52	Does your breath smell like garlic? Blame it on Te poisoning!
Terbium	Tb	65	One of four elements named after a village in Sweden (Ytterby)
Thallium	Tl	81	Its nickname (Inheritance Powder) would be great, if it didn't have such dark implications
Thorium	Th	90	I probably didn't have to tell you that this was discovered by a Norwegian
Thulium	Tm	69	Named after the planet Thule, where Count Dooku attempted to revive the Dark Reaper
Tin	Sn	50	Tin's an element? When the hell did Tin become an element?
Titanium	Ti	22	Thank God my camping cookware is made of Ti or else I'd never be able to backpack across this county park
Tungsten	W	74	Common in the mineral scheelite, which was named after State Sen. Clay Davis
Ununoctium	Uuo	118	So, it's not not an octogon?
Ununpentium	Uup	115	Scientists continue to explore element 115 apparently having never played Call of Duty: Black Ops II
Ununseptium	Uus	117	The most recently discovered element (2010)
Ununtrium	Uut	113	Un...Un...Um...Who's naming these elements? Rumplestilskin?
Uranium	U	92	Was once a popular component of pottery glazes (like for Fiestaware) even after people knew it was radioactive
Vanadium	V	23	Is considered toxic, which is odd since it's also marketed as a dietary supplement
Xenon	Xe	54	The Warrior Element
Ytterbium	Yb	70	The only element to start with a Y
Yttrium	Y	39	Well, except for this one
Zinc	Zn	30	Zn-deficiency affects about 1 in 4 persons. Is this a bad time to point out we could run out of Zn by 2050?
Zirconium	Zr	40	Combine with two Oxygen atoms and you finally have an affordable engagement ring!

Footnotes
[1] See these examples from zazzle and cafepress. [Return to main text]

[2] Seaborg G (1996) Modification and expansion of Mendeleev's Periodic Table. Vol. 203:233-245. [Return to main text]

[3] Hammer B (2000) Theoretical surface science and catalysis - calculations and concepts Vol 45:71-129. [Return to main text]